I meet enthusiasm like a long lost friend i would have forgotten the face of.
I whisper to the dark night : i want to wonder at everything. And this whisper is of light, its rays like luminous thunder in my dark night.
Who is gonna save me now? The singer asked when i was 7, before i could understand english. He sang about our civilisation and how we feel ill at ease nowadays. Did this contact with such music intoxicate me with melancoly? I don't think so. I believe there is a sadness to our civilisation and he felt it and i do too. Its heart is immense and our respective heart resonnate with it.
I was with a friend tonight. Soon the morning will happen. It is already dawn, at 4:38 am.
I wrote : i want to take the oath to be happy. I want to marvel at day, at night, at All.
I could write pages about enthusiasm.
I want to dare firstly to believe, also to try things i would believe too difficult. I should be kind to my self. It is the most sure way.
Can one choose to be happy? Is it possible?
I speak to some people through internet. They are lovely and increase my faith in the good of life.
My friend tonight was so nice too. I opened my heart and he listened kindly. Finally, i accepted all the loss known and started to see a way towards joy, or joy as something i could choose.
I am 24, yet i feel so ignorant. I want to feel joy and wonder. Long i felt sad. I admire those who seem so naturally joyfull. How do they do? Are we of the same species ? I want to be of them, my mind pure of worries.
May the sun take me to its core and burn all sadness.