Now we all know how World War I started. Franz Ferdinand (not the rock group) was assassinated, and war was declared soon afterwards. But many people don’t know how the war ended, and why today was chosen as the day of commemoration.
So here’s what really happened. (And I must say how great it is to give French history lessons to French people. Really. It’s an honor.)
We’re 1918, and Maréchal Foch (pronounced Fuck in certain cultures btw) has just received word the Germans want to surrender, but the war didn’t stop immediately. No. Foch decided to end it on a sort of catchy date. And he wanted it done in a catchy place, like the last car of a train in Campeigne. By the way. Why are all these wars ending in train cars? Why can’t they end in movie theaters or food trucks?
So, you had the Germans on one side saying – “We surrender!! And you had the French on the other saying. “Bah merci, mais qu’il faut qu’on fixe une date quand même.” Which sounds a lot like me and my friends with dinner dates.
So the war continued. Meanwhile Foch and his generals then had a brainstorming session (probably with a nifty power point display) and they came up with this. And by the way, I read most of this on Wikipedia, so it’s definitely all true.
Eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. Get it? 11-11 at 11 heures.
Looking back on it, it’s too bad the year wasn’t 1911 because then they could have had 11/11/11 a 11 heures. And if you were going that far, I would have just said fuck it and done 11 heures 11 minutes 11 seconds, in which case you would get…..
(wait a minute I’m still calculating)
11-11-11 at 11:11:11 (the six 11’s we could call it).
Apparently, they were first thinking of doing it on le 9 Novembre (le 9/11) but that date was already reserved for the US later on in history. (I’ll wait for the joke to sink in.)
So the actual fighting continued until the last minute of the famous 11/11 date that was chosen, and it was said that many units continued to fire on targets after the end just to avoid having to haul away their spare ammunition.
It’s been calculated that the final day of WWI alone would cause nearly 11,000 casualties - more than those killed, wounded or missing on D-Day.
It’s unimaginable to me, that a war which was the worst of the worst in terms of combat casualties, a war that wiped out an entire generation of men, could be prolonged because Marechal Foch wanted to set a fucking date. Look I’m a big fan of tradition and organizing parties, but isn’t this a little extreme?
I can only imagine the scene on the French side resembling something out of the film Dr. Folamour, with Marechal Foch on the telephone and his commander (played by Peter Sellers) on the other.
Foch: “Hello commander, yeah this is Foch. Listen we’re going to end the war. The Germans are surrendering. Tell your men to stop fighting on the 11th of November.”
Commander: “I’m sorry Marcheal. You said the war’s over?”
(sounds of Bombs over head are exploding. Heavy combat.)
Foch: “Yes, well not yet technically. You see we want it to fall on 11/11 at 11 heures. Get it? Well it was my idea actually. We’re thinking of doing t-shirts that say “I was there at 11 heures on the 11/11” something like that.”
(Incoming incoming. Artillery fire.)
Commander: “Sorry sir….”
Foch: “ARMISTICE. It’s going to be on the 11/11 at 11 heures. And it’s going to fall on a Monday, so we can have lots of three day weekends that way. We can do the pont.”
Commander: “Pont? Quel pont? Sir… we’re incurring heavy losses right now. My men can’t keep going.”
(Foch interrupting): “The Germans know it too. They’ll stop in three days. Right…….OK? OK. Fuck you too..Ha ha ha.”
Imagine being the commander and having to take this message to your men, which I’m sure sparked questions.
Commander: “All right boys here’s the deal. There’s a group of Germans up on that hill over there, and at night, we’re going to take that hill. And we’re going to capture it. Now it’s going to be tough. I won’t lie..”
Soldier: “Ah sir, question. With the war ending tomorrow at 11:00, I was thinking we could just maybe put that on standby?”
Meanwhile, Foch’s headquarters at 11/11/10:50 probably ressembled the worst New Year’s countdown ever. Each second (I calculated) meant 8 people died.
General: “Ah Marechal it’s 11:53. Can we just maybe call the Germans and say stop?”
Foch: “Shhhhhhhhhhh” We’re almost at 11:00!”
Tick tock tick tock……………20 more dead.
Foch: “Does anybody have a champagne glass. I don’t have a champagne glass. How much longer do we have? Do I have time to go to the bathroom?”
Tick tock tick tock (15 dead)
Foch: “I’m going to send out a huge SMS - look at all my contacts…..”
Tick tock tick tock
And so it went.
World War I’s Armistice is officially Nov. 11th, FIVE weeks after Germany asked to surrender. And if you look today on all the tombstones in all the cemeteries of France (because I do this kind of thing. I call it tomb-spotting) there’s never a Nov 11th, 1918. It’s either Nov. 10th or Nov. 12th. Perhaps because it’s just too sad to imagine.
So today, as we commemorate the dead today, I think it’s important to understand that we’re not only honoring those who died in combat, but we’re honoring those who died only because somebody wanted to choose a neat date to celebrate them dying. “A date we will all remember.”
Think of that today as the clock ticks ever so slowly towards 11:00 AM.