There’s an article being passed around this week entitled 10 things extraordinary people say each day. Now normally I don’t go near articles like this, articles that somehow mysteriously appear at the bottom of my screen or on my Facebook feed and I’m not sure if they’re real articles or clever advertisements targeted to my fragile psyche.
This time though I did click and read, only because I was curious, not just to find out if I say some of these things (which would of course confirm my hunch that I am extraordinary) but also to see how extraordinary people relate to other people much less extraordinary than themselves.
Half-way through though I realized I had never heard most of these expressions uttered in my presence, which I guess means I don’t know any extraordinary people. Mediocre people yes, which then made me wonder why there hasn’t been a 10 things mediocre people say each day list.
That’s a list many more people could relate to - a list that could help us detect daily mediocrity across from us, while also letting us know when we ourselves are acting mediocre. Because frankly, it’s easy to detect the extraordinary, it’s the mediocre that’s a lot less evident.
10) Listen… – Anytime anybody starts with this word, they’ve adopted a sort of weird paternalistic tone with you as if you’re a fucking 8 year old. It’s supposed to set the stage for what, in their mediocre mind, is something very important they want to say, and that you should listen, as if you haven’t been listening up until now.
9) What I’m trying to say is… –The person using WITTSI has just realized their long winded 5 minute discourse could have easily been summarized in five words. Too bad they didn’t think of this before wasting your five fucking minutes. Often WITTSI users use WITTSI because they assume you’re as stupid as they are and need a synopsis of what was just said.
8) You see– No I don’t see. People using you see deep down know they’re not very clear in what they’re saying so they need to check on you with a flash light every 10 seconds to see if you “picture” what they’re saying – because their attention deficit disorder brain has already forgotten what it is. Little do they know, you have forgotten it too, you see?
7) Don’t take this personally –I’ve always found it curious when people use this expression to preface what they’re about to say, it’s always something deeply and hurtfully personal. Yet of course they think by warning you in advance, they’re sort of off the hook– simply because they’re shielded by this fake mea culpa.
6) If you don’t mind my asking …. – IYDMA is in the don’t take this personally family and is a French manner of asking you how much money you make. Again the asker is claiming immunity for what obviously you do mind and which is none of his fucking business by citing a stupid mediocre phrase before he asks you about your bank account. IYDMA is driven by jealousy, and is usually found in professional settings more than personal ones.
5) I hope we can put this behind us- After they’ve disemboweled you with something super violent and vicious they’ve said, mediocre people often leave you bleeding on the floor with this phrase. This way they disavow themselves of all responsibility and leave you like a battered wife, assuming it was your fault. But the worse is over right? And “it’s all behind us”, that is until the next time. And there will be a next time.
4) So called…– is just lazy mediocre talk. It’s a person afraid to attach his own definition of something or someone, so he looks for a consensus. So called, to the mediocre mind, makes one look intellectual and daring, but it’s really a way to copy and paste something you heard on NPR to make you look smart – so called “pertinent.”
3) I’m not the only one who thinks this – is pure evil. It’s actually the most sinister things to say to somebody and obviously something taken from the Vichy period. Often the mediocre person uttering this IS the only one who thinks this, but he’s too much of a coward to admit it. He’d rather create a fake lynch mob in your mind, because he is that fucking evil.
2) Can I ask you a question? – I don’t know - can you? Do you have a mouth and vocal cords? Are you usually not allowed to ask questions? Mediocre people repeat this phrase constantly. They think they’re setting the tone for a Here comes a REAL question, but in reality, it’s their pea brain still thinking about the question they want ask and needing time while the slow connection of their cortex goes through.
1) That’s not my responsibility – I truly believe TNMR is an automated recording licensed to every French company’s phone messaging system that plays when I call about problems. Whether it be my livebox or my titre de sejour or my printer, that’s not my responsibility is what I’ll hear throughout my 4 hour call. That’s not my responsibility is the mantra of the dystopic generation we live in, the zenith of mediocrity and apathy as we know it. Because as we all know, nobody’s responsible for what they do, and judging by this extraordinarily mediocre list, nobody’s responsible for what they say (or write) either.