My crowd-funding campaign of shame

Hello everyone!I’ve noticed in the past few months that some of my close friends have used crowd-funding campaigns to raise money for their personal projects, whether it be for a film, a play, or a tummy tuck procedure. Each campaign turned out to be a big success, so I thought, why not try one myself?

Hello everyone!

I’ve noticed in the past few months that some of my close friends have used crowd-funding campaigns to raise money for their personal projects, whether it be for a film, a play, or a tummy tuck procedure. Each campaign turned out to be a big success, so I thought, why not try one myself?

The project I’m trying to get off the ground is a very personal one, one which I’m currently entitling, my career. Up until now, I’ve had trouble getting it started, so I thought; why not lean on my network of friends to help.

This campaign will slightly differ from the ones you’ve seen in the past, only because I will not be accepting euros or dollars, only contributions in the form of shame and pity.

Now there’s no pressure and I TOTALLY understand if you’re currently saving up shame and pity for own life. But if you do have some extra left over. I’m open for business!

Here’s how it’ll go.

If you’re feeling generous and want to donate a lot of shame, you’ll be rewarded as a Platinum JvS member, which means you get to have an exclusive dinner with me tete a tete, where I’ll complain about my current situation while pointing blame on why my projects have not yet come to fruition. You’ll get to feel my frustration first hand! You’ll also immediately feel better about your own life, not to mention you won’t feel at all guilty, having already cleansed your conscience by giving that hard earned shame earlier on in the campaign.

For mid-range donors, or those I’m calling the JvS-white club, you will receive a sneak preview to what I’m currently writing. During this “lecture exclusif” you’ll stop mid-way either because you won’t understand the nonsensical text I wrote or you’ll see I am too fragile to receive any constructive criticism. Your instinct will be to reach back into your heart for more shame, but you’ll stop only because you know that you’re partly to blame for this feeling, and in a way are a co-owner of it….partner!

For those who can only afford small donations of shame and pity, you will be part of what I’m calling the JVS Club Waoouu team where you’ll gain free access to my pathetic Facebook status updates regarding what I’m trying to get published, plus you’ll receive weekly emails and SMS’s from me where I site stupid inspirational quotes like “Everyone has a bad day, but not everyone has a bad life.”

Again having donated your shame early on, you’ll be able to look upon this endeavor as “marrant” and “curieux” - not pathetic and/or begging and/or both.

But enough of this talking. The clock has already started! My PayPal account and e-wallet are awaiting your contributions. And don’t worry if you don’t have time now. I will be updating you and reminding you as the deadline approaches, which, it turns out, has been proven to generate additional shame, shame you never knew you had until now.

Regardless of how or if you choose to give, know that I’m eternally grateful for your support. Also know that the shame I feel in launching this crowd funding campaign will be nothing compared to the shame I feel and receive when the project’s fully complete. And at that point, we can all share in the shame.

Now the ball is in your court.

John

Le Club est l'espace de libre expression des abonnés de Mediapart. Ses contenus n'engagent pas la rédaction.